I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
