He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
