either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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