dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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