A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
