I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
