i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
