His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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