Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
