Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
