Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize
