that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
