so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
