paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
