I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
