If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
