one might say we're banned from that church
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
