its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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