So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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