You just made me feel so damn special
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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