Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
