I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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