I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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