please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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