I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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