I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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