What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
