i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
