On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
