just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
