The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
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