Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
