I think my vagina is haunted
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
