fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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