I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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