well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
