Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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