oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
