well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
