I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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