I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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