Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
