dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
