I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
