My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
