Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
