So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
