i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
