he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
