Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
