A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
