Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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