the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just pee around me
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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