Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
