Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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