toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
