i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
