im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
