his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize