somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
