so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
