I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
