apparently the secret to your success is patron
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
