420 ftw
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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