You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
