but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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