bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
