trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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