I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
